The Infertile Mind

Have you ever seen a flower headed monster?

 

When I attended Squam Art Workshops last September (one of the best things I've ever done for myself), I met some of the most amazing women ever.  And they continue to be wonderful friends, even from afar.  One of these lovely ladies is Liz, who writes one of my favorite blogs called Enjoy and Love - That's Enough.  She sent me one her whimsical creations, A Flower Headed Monster, which sold like hotcakes at Squam.  I am loving my Blue Beauty and he keeps me company here at my keyboard!  She also put together this awesome little video called, "Birth of a Monster" showing how she makes them. Check it out:

 

Believing that seasons change and cultivating trust....

So, I learned about this illustrator, Kristin Noelle, through Jen Lee (one of my fabulous teachers at Squam) and I love her style.  It is so simple and lovely.  I signed up for her Sketch A Day e-mail for 30 days and I have really enjoyed them.  (They are almost done and I'm going to be sad when they stop arriving!) This one came today and really just made me feel good and calm.  Seasons do change and sometimes I take comfort that no matter how good or bad I think things are there will change. 

And I do sense a lot of change coming with my parents moving here this year, trying to find a high school for my stepson to attend which could have us moving, a Spring Break trip and possibly a trip to Spain with my parents.  All hopefully good and wonderful changes and experiences but I have to allow myself to feel uneasy about them at times because there are a lot of unknowns.  I have to TRUST that it's all going to work out for the best.

Speaking of TRUST, that's really the central topic of Kristin's blog/website: www.kristinnoelle.com.  She also posts other illustrations via the blog portion which I have also really enjoyed.  Her site is all about cultivating TRUST in ourselves, which is also a word that keeps popping up for this year so finding her is timely.

Also, circling back to Jen Lee, she is a new favorite resource for me since going to Squam.  (Hearing her do her storytelling live was an amazing experience and to be in her class for a 1/2 day has stuck with me for months.  I think one of her retreats is going to be on a personal wish list.)  She has started a handwritten letter series, which is powerful.  Her latest one on Love, Risk and Comfort Zones is also worth a look at (plus she does beautiful panoramic photography, too!). Find it here.

On My Kindle....Everything I've Ever Done That Worked by Lesley Garner

I'm feeling a bit ADD with my book reading, as I recently bought and finished Everything I've Ever Done That Worked by Lesley Garner on my Kindle.  (I enjoy my Kindle but it hasn't replaced hard cover books for me.  However, I've definitely browsed or purchased several books at 2 am when I couldn't sleep and you can't beat that!)

So, I swore I wasn't going to buy another book until I read this post from my new Squam friend, Nicola on her blog called The Drama Queen's Guide to Changing the World (great stuff- check it out....) talking about this author, Lesley Garner.  Her post was titled, "The most useful book I've ever read..." and she sold me that I want to read this lady's work.  Right NOW!

There are lots of good tips in this particular book of hers and it's a very easy read.  It's not one long story and you can pick and choose chapters that speak to you.  I like that format as a variation to trying to remember where you were in a story.  My favorite idea in the book was the book concept itself - to make my own version of Everything That Has Ever Worked For Me by Me.  A reminder that I do know what I'm doing and how to soothe myself, gear myself up, calm myself down, be objective, be generous and more.  I just never thought to actually document all that.  Might be a project to work on in the new year.  An art project, perhaps?

This is not a test. This is your life....

While I was at Squam, my love for art as a form of expression & joy was reignited.  I particularly loved seeing all the fabulous new supplies many of my new friends and cabinmates like Susan & Sharyn had to show me.

Last night I headed out to Target to pick up some unfun things like groceries and cleaning supplies but decided to make a detour into Jo-Ann Fabrics.  I ended up in the kids art supplies area and had a field day checking out all the cool new options.

I picked up these fun Faber Castell Metallic Gel Sticks and some Faber Castell 24 Ct Oil Pastels.  For the price, I felt like it was a great way to have fun with art again, they way I did as a kid and an art student.

Then before bed I sat down with a huge pad of paper and drew flowers, sun, birds and tested out all the wonderful colors.  I also wrote down the following phrase, "This is not a test. This is your life."

Reflections on Squam and the power of supporting one another...

This picture at left was taken by the phenomenal Susannah Conway during my Open Your Eyes class at Squam.  Even though I'm a photographer myself, I loved her take on finding beauty in the seemingly ugly to others.  That it's easy to take pictures of pretty things. 

I feel that's true in life, too - it's easy to find joy when things are going smoothly.  But how to find joy when they are not?  Open your eyes because there's always something there.  Thank you for this lesson, Susannah. (And for being even more wonderful in person.)

That's me in the blue at the far left.  It's a perfect reminder of what Squam was like and what my life needs to be more like - holding on to those who support me.  Knowing that together we are stronger and can take on more than we ever could individually.

With that in mind, thank you to one and all who have left me comments of support here on the blog, via e-mail and in the universe.  I can feel you all here with me.  It has made this unexpected miscarriage less emotionally painful somehow by knowing I wasn't alone.  It allowed me to tell someone what was happening in the moment (reminder to Be Seen as Jen Lee told us in the Care and Keeping of Creative Souls class) and feel that I was being heard. Thank you all for Bearing Witness to this moment, which Jen also reminded us was important.  She was so right.  I didn't really know much about Jen prior to Squam but don't be fooled by that sweet, childlike quality of hers.  She packs a powerful, yet loving emotional sucker punch.  One heck of a move (another Jenism I loved) if I ever saw one.

The third class I took, Book In a Day, was with the amazingly talented Marisa Haedike from Creative Thursday (without finding her I never would have found Susannah or Squam) and Christine Mason Miller.  They made a great team, with infinite patience, assistance and inspiration.  I really came away with a whole new way to put seemingly random things together into a cohesive format - another great lesson - just because it doesn't look like it goes together doesn't mean it isn't meant to be together.  The skills I gained from them opened up a new way to visualize my creative storytelling side for myself and to share with others.  I promised Christine I was going to do a similar class with my nieces and they are already excited about it. 

I promise this is only one of several posts about Squam.  There's so much magic to talk about - the warmth and love that dwelled in our cabin at El Dorado, and all the incredible people I met all along my trip from beginning to end.  As I close, I just want to thank Elizabeth MacCrellish for making Squam come to life.  You are an inspiration to me to keep pursuing my visions of bringing people together and making the world a more loving, compassionate and creative place.  I keep telling people that Squam is what the real world should be like - thank you for letting me have a glimpse of that.

Huge, tight hugs to all,

Lily